Janus Opens the Door…

If you’re big on the Gregorian calendar, you’re probably aware another new year is almost upon us. This is typically a time when people take pause to consider making changes in their lives, like quitting smoking, eating healthier, dropping a few pounds, or giving up German shizer films. Why these things can’t be accomplished any other time of year, I’m unsure, but I suppose the mark of a new beginning brings with it new inspiration, no matter how short-lived the stirrings often turn out to be.

Instead of focusing on the changes we need to make in our lives, highlighting our weaknesses and shortcomings, perhaps this time would be better spent reflecting just how far we’ve come the last 365. Though the years may seem to start blurring together and racing by the older we get, I’m fairly sure each and every one of us can pick out several accomplishments in recent past to be proud of. It’s definitely more encouraging to give ourselves a pat on the back for the minor victories we’ve claimed than begin a new calendar date imposing the guilt and pressures of a rigid lifestyle ruleset we’re probably ill-equipped for.

Continue reading Janus Opens the Door…

Hey, relax guy! Take a rest! Trust me!

The Earth is pretty wild place. Even on the most mundane of adventures, say a trip to the corner store, there’s a good chance you’ll come across a scenario rife with outlandish, freaky, or unexpected twists.

Consider the novelty in this world. Think of all the strange and wonderful things you’ve seen and done since your first sip of mother’s milk. Consider all the projects still on your to-do list, and all the imagined situations you’ll likely never get to experience first-hand because, well, there just ain’t enough time in the day. While you’re at it, add to your considerations the things you haven’t even heard about – the wonders that have never blipped on your radar because they exist beyond the fringe of the Associated Press app on your smartphone.

There’s one hell of an experiential buffet out there to feast from.

Continue reading Hey, relax guy! Take a rest! Trust me!

Loads of Fun

I’m not sure how Christmas ever felt complete without a dish of vegan kitty litter cake sitting to the left of a roasted bird. This should rightfully be labeled Phase 1 of the project, but I feel more satisfied labeling it Movement Number 2. The purging of my culinary stupidity was nonetheless successful.

Considerations are still in place to add cacao nibs for some always appreciated junky turd texture.

I’m undecided whether eating these sweet droppings was more enjoyable than observing the look of disgust on my mother’s face while doing so.

Next phase is building the cake.

I’ll put the full recipe together for you once it’s run its course…

I planned on incorporating a few more bowel movement jokes in this mini-post, but they were shitty.

Please, Not Another Pottersville Story…

Well, ‘tis the season again. The yearly ritual of collecting gifts, stringing coloured lights, and erecting artificial pine trees has begun. Wreaths are being hung, and cards are being mailed. Cookies are being baked, and turkeys are gettin’ stuffed. Kids are showcasing the best of their good-natured worth to Santa, and adults are Xeroxing their asses at office parties. Good times.

The frantic nature of this time of year can easily put undue stress upon the lives of people struggling through the muck of Western culture. If you happen to be short on greenback to purchase whatever the TV machine has the kiddies all hyped about, it’s easy to slip into the funk of a trivially oriented, materialistic society. Commercialism has tainted many a candy-cane, leaving a less than pepperminty taste in lot of people’s mouths.

It’s sad to hear the “I hate the holidays” line as many times as I do each year, but it’s understandable. To me though, the sadder thing to witness is the lack of effort holiday-haters make to reimagine their frustrations in a more joyous way. Much easier for them to accept the status quo in fury, and bitch about it to anyone who’ll listen, rather than seek a greater perspective to navigate life’s snow-covered walkways.

Continue reading Please, Not Another Pottersville Story…

My Suggestion? Fuck Google…

I used to think the internet was the greatest piece of technology ever allowed in the hands of us ignorant schlubs skulking around the planet. It used to boggle my mind that unfettered access to any information under the sun would be tolerated for even 5 minutes by our loving puppet masters. The talk of heavy censorship in China, Iran, or Sauda Arabia made me feel blessed to have so much data at my fingertips, even while paranoia fomented in my brain that we were being heavily monitored.

I foresaw restrictions, paid access, and outright connectivity refusals to become the dominant protocol of the system, but the situation that eventually unfolded caught me off guard. Me so dumb.

Internet information control has been a well-crafted and methodically orchestrated campaign that has undergone constant refinement since the cold war’s inspiration of the technology. There’s been nothing accidental about how this entity has been disseminated to the public.

Continue reading My Suggestion? Fuck Google…