Happy Anniversary, Happy Happy Anniversary…

There are many times in life where it seems like we’re spinning our wheels. The mud is deep, our two-wheel-drive junker sucks ass, and there’s not a soul in sight to give us a desperate push out of the muck.

But those moments are nothing more than fleeting perspectives.

If we stop to take a few seconds to reflect upon how far we’ve come along in our unique journeys, we might find ourselves pleasantly surprised at how much progress we’ve actually made.

So lemme tell you a story…

Continue reading Happy Anniversary, Happy Happy Anniversary…

Mikey’s Top 5 of the Day

As I’ve been analyzing other blogs over the last few months, I noticed there seems to be a lot of posts out there formulated into lists. I guess David Letterman had far more influence on our stupid society than I realized. Everywhere I turn, I find shit like The Top 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence, 5 Tips to Land Your Dream Job, or 12 Reasons Why Everyone Should Consider Fucking a Goat.

For the most part, the writing is pure shit, and loaded with obvious, common-sense advice that isn’t worth wasting 5 minutes perusing. It’s pretty sad when the number of ads outweighs the words of wisdom.

But in the spirit of attracting a wider audience to the BonerFruit fun, we’re going to try putting a bit of self-help guidance together today using the listing technique. And we’re going to try using some advertising as well for the first time here. Society loves a formula, so who am I to argue?

Today’s Topic?

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Flippin’ the Fitty Cent Piece

There’s a simple philosophy to living a kickass life that I’d like to share today. It’s an idea that stuck in my brain from some crappy movie I sat through one day while arguing vociferously with the flies who repeatedly kept landing on my body. Apparently I’m deliciously sweet, or a massive piece of shit. The jury is still out…

Although Hollywood is probably the greatest scourge on humanity when it comes to evolving the unlimited potential contained within the human-animal, every once in a while a snippet of brilliance can be gleaned from the mindlessly formulaic drivel the entertainment industry pumps out on a continuous basis.

The clip went down something like this…

Continue reading Flippin’ the Fitty Cent Piece

The Power of Now? How About the Power of No!

I used to work a job where it seemed my boss hardly ever showed up. There was always a “legitimate” reason of course. Illness, family emergencies, testicles caught in the leafblower, whatever. No matter how tired or overworked I was, whenever he asked me to cover a shift, I always said yes, despite my heart crying out, “Fuck no! Stop putting this on me. I never really wanted to work a day in my life to begin with, asshole, so leave me the fuck alone!”

I’ve never been very good at saying no to people, but I never really clued in how damaging it’s been to my psyche over the years.

Continue reading The Power of Now? How About the Power of No!

Planet Earth, Everyone’s Favourite Prison…

What do you do when you’re a stranger in a strange land?

Pretty simple, I guess…

You roll with the natives. Blend in. Adapt. Learn the basic customs and protocols. You make note of every major rule “normal” people conform to, and try to play their game the best you can, without rippling too much water during your learning curve.

But what if you come to the realization the new land sucks — I mean really fucking sucks? What if you’ve done your best to live amicably among the denizens, but you ultimately find their lifestyle unbearable and intolerable? What if you find yourself amongst a collective so hopelessly indoctrinated to idiotic rules, rituals, and modalities of thinking, that each day you spend with them seems like a living fucking hell?

Continue reading Planet Earth, Everyone’s Favourite Prison…