Megadouche Strikes Again

I’ve decided that taking a break from illustrating the final drawings for my new book isn’t a form of procrastination — it’s a symptom of passion and kick-ass productivity.

Hmm. I might have to call bullshit on that one…

But whatever. The new drawings are so completely ludicrous, offensive, and ridiculous, that I had to take a moment to share something important with you…

I fucking rock.

Yeah, megalomania ain’t the most desirable trait in a human, but considering all the shit I’ve posted on this site in the last year and a half, why hold back now?

Sitting by my lonesome, sketching images of cats, wangs, and toilets, laughing myself silly at the stupidity pencilled to dollar-store paper, I realized just how much fun the entire process of compiling this book has been. Why I was hesitant to finish my final drawings is beyond me now. Momentum is a glorious force we don’t exploit to its fullest.

BonerFruit is still a young project, but it’ll go viral one day, along with the stupid books yet to spill forth from my keyboard. How do I know this? Simple, I’m fucking awesome. I don’t seek popularity to placate my fragile ego, I do this shit ’cause I love it. And I’m totally fucking hilarious. And fucking modest. To deny the world of my idiocy would be sinful.

Well, maybe not as soul-damning as coveting my neighbour’s ass (we’re talking donkey here, not the plump mounds jammed into skin-tight yoga pants), but a crime nonetheless.

Ya gotta do what you love, and if you’re not, you’ve missed the memo on enjoying your run on planet Earth. The stupid jobs sucking up our free time aren’t stupid at all — as long as you realize they’re a means to an end, and learn to treat them with as much silliness and frivolity as the projects you deem “meaningful.”

I have a blast at my slave-job. I hate to admit it, but it’s true. And even though I’d rather be writing and sailing the world, I know the burger-flipping is just another grand experience to be embraced, not resented. Living the moment is what it’s all about. Let me rephrase that… Living each moment joyously is what it’s all about. If you’re grumbling through each second of your day, you’ll end up a whiny, miserable fuck. So I say better to roll with the bullshit with a big smile on your face than bemoan why life has treated you unfairly.

Haha, I love this. I had no idea what was gonna unfold when I started typing this stupid post, but brilliance always seems to manifest.

More megalomania, but I giveth not a fuck.

I’m awesome.

If no one else sees that, there are no shits I will be giving. My head will rest easy at night despite my genius remaining unrecognized.

We all have something cool to offer society, so I say stop trying to fit in to whatever mold you think you should conform to, and let your madness run wild. People will always talk shit about you, no matter how wonderful you are, so stop trying to impress idiotic strangers, and focus on impressing yourself.

Geez, I always end up being a preachy asshole.

But you know what?

I fucking love it.

Back to crappy sketches…

Flow is More Than a Monthly Cycle…

As much as we love to believe we’re the most advanced culture to have ever walked the Earth, the truth of the matter is we have everything about as fouled up and backwards as a drunken dyslexic trying to figure out pants and shoes.

Much of our worldly chaos stems from choosing “Science” as the popular god of the day. But it’s really nothing more than another dogmatic belief system — one adept at manipulating the feeble minds of a dedicated herd, like any good organized religion.

The strange irony is that Science has actually brought to light a preponderance of observational insight with the potential to lead us toward a grander understanding of ourselves and the Universe, but has chosen to systematically slough off or ignore the ramifications of its findings, while categorizing the rest into neat and tidy little boxes of “proven” definitions and labels.

If you want a few tips on waking up to a more joyous tomorrow, read on with Mikey here for a bit, and we’ll sort out some of the nonsense that has us wandering through life like brain-damaged primates tripping on crappy mushrooms.

Science should rightfully be the study of everything — open to unbiased consideration of any and all bizarre phenomena that occurs daily in this wacky realm.

But it isn’t. It creates “theories” and “facts” — which can never ultimately be proven under ever-changing and evolving conditions — and disregards with prejudice anything that can’t be measured with the “most-advanced” tools at hand.

That makes life somewhat unfun for people who’ve had glimpses beyond the veil. Whether talking about lucid dreaming, psychic abilities, other-worldy civilizations, or whatever else is mocked by the gods that be, our culture has been taught to ridicule an open-minded person as a conspiratorial nut-job who lacks a grip on “reality.”


But instead of feeling shamed or frustrated trying to share ideas with others who’ve been convinced the “truths” of science are absolute and unalterable, I’ve discovered a certain degree of alienation and solitude is absolutely conducive to advancing a quest to garner greater understanding into the mysteries of existence.

Life here on Earth is really just a game of perspective. When you change your perspective, you change your world. It’s that simple. To illustrate my point, Let’s look at a couple simple experiments good ol’ science has shared with us…

Science discovered that if white light was passed through a prism, the elemental nature of its information could be diffracted. Red appeared. Orange appeared. Yellow appeared. But there’s no ultimate separation between any of them. If you’ve ever had the good fortune of seeing a rainbow, you know exactly what I mean. It’s all one stream of information in a continuous flow. Breaking down the Oneness of light into individual, separate frequencies — defining a unified entity as a machine full of individual parts — is the perfect example of why/how humans have lost their holistic understanding of the world.

This applies just as readily to the human body. Wanna know why everyone is sick, dying, and coming down with rampant diseases that didn’t exist a hundred years ago? Because we’ve been taught separation. We’ve been taught each organ within us is different from the others. Doctors are all specialists now, choosing to focus on the heart, the kidneys, the brain, whatever, without acknowledging each cell within us is connected to the other.

How do you possibly say where the heart ends, and where the kidneys begin? When do stomach cells start becoming liver cells? The human body is an interconnected, unified flow. If one “part” is sick, it means the entire organism is sick. Allopathic medicine will never be successful curing illness if it perceives the body like a sputtering car. You can’t pump drugs into a system to treat a specific body part without affecting the rest of the system.

Why do you think everyone over 70 has 15 vials of drugs in their cabinet?

This one is for my heart. I take this one for my cholesterol. This one is to reduce the flatulence I get from taking the one to treat my heart. This one prevents the swelling in my legs that occurs when I take the one to correct my cholesterol. And I’m not sure what this one is, but I take it anyway, ’cause I really trust Dr. Frankenbaum. He has a pretty smile, and always asks about my cats.

But luckily there’s no need to cure illness anymore. Selling drugs to mask whatever symptoms appear has become the protocol of the day. Western doctors are pretty much drug pushers now, funded by the industry known as Big Pharma, whose sole existence stems from profiting on the suffering of humanity.

Body parts don’t get sick, the organism gets sick. Instead of treating localized symptoms piecemeal, a new approach need be adopted. But it’s not a new approach — holistic healing has existed long before the first shaman went into a dream to glean other-dimensional insight into physical ailments.

The Einstein theorem declares that matter and energy are one. Science will tell you that light, sound, vibration, and frequency are all the same thing. When we realize we are electrical beings made of matter, interconnected with one another inside a floating snowglobe in space, breathing the same air and soaking in the same sunlight, maybe, just maybe, we might come to the realization that our individual perceptions of self are fallacy. Each action we choose to partake in will ultimately affect everything else around us, including our own well-being.

As much as I’d like to rant on, this piece is getting long, so let’s get into the nitty-gritty of how you can wake up feeling re-born tomorrow…

It’s simple.

You are not the individual you’ve defined yourself to be. You are a flow. You are a wavelength of a greater continuum that can never be defined. I’m a hypocrite for saying this, but Science has a word that I have to admit I don’t mind — equilibrium. The nature of the Universe is to self-balance. When you stop trying to control everything, it happens naturally. Become water. Let yourself flow through whatever scenario you encounter, and allow the Universe to do what is does best — pull you to a place of tranquility where you can be still.

The eddies and currents of life are not something to stress over, they are the unexpected twists that make it all fun. In the end, our meat-suits will all decay and die, so why waste another moment in grief?

The science facts of today will become the science folly of tomorrow, so you know what I say? Go grab a big bag of leaches, and enjoy the day.

If you’re not having fun, what’s the fucking point?

Professional Crastinator

I wouldn’t say procrastination is a trait humans should strive to perfect, but if awards were given out for people putting shit off till the last minute, my bookshelf would be littered with them, sitting beside the old hockey trophies and plaques engraved with words like Second Place, Participant, and Thanks For Showing Up, Loser.

I learned an important lesson yesterday about winterizing a boat engine. It goes like this — don’t wait until 9 feet of snow pours down from the heavens before you do it. Perhaps that seems like obvious advice, but lessons never really hit home with me until I actually jam a fork into the proverbial electrical outlet.

If you ever procure a new sailboat, I would advise you to not wait until the outside temperature hits a balmy minus 10 before you tie up the loose ends of draining your engine, bilge, and water tanks. Oh, and pumping out the shit tank is always a wise move as well.

Meh, so maybe I fucked up. Stripped bolts and unfamiliar plumbing left me a tad frustrated yesterday. Snow blowing into my cabin didn’t make anything more pleasant, and I really hate losing the feeling in my toes. My excuse of saying Working 55 hours a week distracted me from following through with a job that needed to be done is bullshit. I really just didn’t expect winter to hit so fast here. What the fuck is wrong with this country? Palm trees and fresh coconuts should be our birthright, not a travel reward.


Anyhoo, writing this blog post isn’t really furthering my cause of finishing the last few drawings for my latest magnum opus. But a lesson I love to repeatedly share is you have to follow through with what inspires you in the moment. Though I’m technically procrastinating again, I’m still in a zone of productivity, ’cause I love to put stupid words to paper every chance I get.

I’m gonna keep this piece short, because I should really get back to my main task at hand. But there’s a Gandhi quote I was thinking of sharing on Daily Bread in the near future that just popped into mind:

Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.

I fucking like it.