Our new line of JIHAD protective masks has arrived!!! Order today, and receive a free bottle of hand-sanitizer, the perfect size to travel* with, or jam up your ass.
(*please check with your local government before you consider leaving your domicile, you fucking monster)
Pick your favourite one today, or purchase our sampler pack! 50% discount for people without ears.
Do you feel the need to make a statement about a fake virus and bullshit global warming? If you answered yes, then CoronaWear is for you! No need to wait for winter to sport one of these custom-made beauties, cuz it’s always fucking cold in Canada, despite the weather jerk-offs always promising imminent balmy conditions. You should feel blessed that your government keeps passing hidden bills for carbon tax while you freeze your balls off in May.
CoronaWear is lovingly crafted with your personal safety in mind! Our team of artists go through no less than 3 sanitizing body-washes before donning a Level A Hazmat suit, which features:
- Full-face Self Contained Breathing Apparatus (SCBA)
- Two-Way radio
- Steel-toe safety boots
- Chemical-resistant gloves
CoronaWear is made from organic lama wool, irradiated for no less than 6 hours in our proprietary sterilization chamber. Our crochet hooks/knitting needles are prepared according to the strictest protocol of bacteriological cleansing, and are systematically incinerated after each 4-hour block of use. CoronaWear is packaged in our government-certified clean room using hermetically-sealed shipping containers that will not be exposed to a single pathogen until it arrives at your front door carried by a disease-ladened UPS flunky.
Order today and receive a free 12-pack of JIHAD facemasks!
Each top-of-the-line N-95 respirator mask is custom-lettered in black acrylic paint, containing no less than 2 ounces of spittle procured from a vagrant willing to hoark in a dixie cup in exchange for liquor money.
Direct message Bonerfruit for prices! All hats begin at $499.95*
*although hats used to be $12.95, and many times given away for free, adhering to government regulations is a costly element we cannot ignore. We sincerely apologize for the drastic markup, but hope you will continue to support our local business during these difficult, troubling, and ass-reaming times.
JC, you out there? I’ve got some issues I need resolving. A fucking shitload of ’em.
I’m always with you, my child.
Sweet. But you don’t have to necessarily follow me into the toilet every time.
I’m not sure where to begin. This planet has lost its fucking mind. There’ve always been control issues in place, but now they’ve gotten completely out of hand. Common sense and rational thoughts are crushed by the daily fear campaigns continuously spouted by the TV machine. Feels like I’m surrounded by drones — automatons content to unquestioningly obey whatever new rulesets or guidelines constantly being dictated to them, no matter how illogical or asinine. What the fuck do I do?
Judge not, lest ye be judged thyself.
Hmm. Okay, that’s fair enough. But just for the record, no one says “ye” or “thyself” anymore in 2020.
Of course not, that’s why it sounds so kick-ass when I do it. Although I shared that insight more than 2000 years ago, the sentiment is just as apt today. And I thank you kindly for judging my choice of words.
Oh fuck, right. I’m still doing it. Sorry. Let me better explain why I’m bitching and whining today. It’s not about who’s right, who’s wrong, what’s real, or what’s fake, it has to do with the lack of open dialogue. It seems everyone is locked into a rigid belief system, completely unwilling to entertain thoughts that haven’t been dictated to them by “authority” figures — assholes with well-documented track records of lies, deceit, and self-serving manipulation.
Who’s everyone? What makes your belief system any different?
Okay, maybe “everyone” was unfair hyperbole. Yes, it’s true I’ve spent many years professing I had all the answers to whatever I was passionate about back in the day — diet, lifestyle, philosophies, and a shitload more. But I’ve seen through my rigidity. I’m ready to amend or outright dismiss whatever theories I currently hold dear about this reality whenever new insight is gleaned. There’s nothing left I can say I “believe” anymore. Direct experience trumps all.
And how is that so vastly different from those around you? Are you a more wonderful creature because you’re enlightened?
I never said I was enlightened, I simply said I wasn’t as rigid anymore.
So not enlightened, but more advanced, more evolved? Flaccid?
Stop it. I’m not trying to sound superior. Just saying I wish society could be a little more open-minded to discuss new ideas or possibilities.
Like you were you 15 years ago?
Fuck. Alright. Make your point already.
No need. Seems you already have. Care to summarize?
Hm. Yeah, okay. Thanks for ruining my angry rant by the way.
No problemo. Continue…
I guess everyone learns and grows at their own pace. It’s not a reason to judge. If someone’s not ready to entertain a message being shared, no amount of logic, reasoning, or (haha) “scientific evidence” will convince them otherwise. Arguments and debates are pointless without an open-minded forum.
The realization I once walked in the shoes of a person on the receiving end of my “superior” criticism becomes the foundation for new perspectives of interaction — Empathy. Understanding. Patience. Unconditional love. Shit like that. How am I doing?
Honestly, you sound a bit patronizing and preachy, but don’t sweat it. I’m in no position to judge. I spent my better years wandering the desert in shitty homemade sandals, trying my damnedest to share a message I thought to be worthy — and look where that got me! I don’t know how many people you’ve brought back from the dead, but let me tell you, at the end of the day, it still doesn’t give you street cred with any group afraid to move out of their comfort zone. So stop worrying about waking sleep-walkers, and focus on advancing new ideas with however many free-thinking disciples you find around you. Worst case scenario, someone nails you to a tree.
Haha, that’s encouraging! Any final thoughts on dealing with this screwball prison planet?
Indeed. Did it slip your mind that my story ended in a kangaroo court trial and brutal murder? No matter. Let me leave you with these words. Life will continually throw you curveballs you perceive to be “injustices.” This I promise. You can handle them in one of two ways: bitch and whine till the end of time, or explore endless creative solutions to advance your growth. You’ve always held the key to the lock on your chains.
Okay, nicely said JC. Although I’ve misplaced my key, I’m gonna start looking for it right now. Well, maybe after a beer.
And you wonder why you’re fucked…