What’s Your Fucking Major Malfunction, Soldier???

I’m of the mind that bottling up emotions ain’t a good thing. I’m of the mind that negative energy should be channeled away from the body as quickly as possible. I’m of the mind that a little screamy, yelly rage is fantastic therapy, cuz once it’s done, and out of the system, happiness resumes.

So lemme share a quick story before I go stab one of my loser, faggoty co-workers in the face with a fucking fork…

All I wanted to do was get home.

Get home after 5 weeks of stupid fucking Xmas parties, stupid fucking insane Russian old ladies yelling at me, and zero fucking days off to do the 9 loads of laundry piled up on my filthy bed that my Kitty Kat climbs like Mount Everest.

Just as I was about to turn into my driveway, and crack a pamplemousse vodka soda I bought at the Quickie Mart to numb the pain of my existence, I realized the driveway was blocked.

Not blocked by debris, the recycling bin, a small filthy child, or other shit I would happily run over.

Nope.

The cocksucking snowplow came by to make everyone’s life easier and more effective.

The cocksucking snowplow motherfucker put up an ice wall barrier to make my safe space inaccessible, so the streets could look neat and clean.

The cocksucking snowplow motherfucker hasn’t the slightest clue that I’ve never had an issue driving down the road, never got stuck or snowed in or lost traction because there were 8 inches of melty white shit on the street, but thank Jesus he came by to pile it all up right in front of the lane I was going to turn into.

Thank you faggoty cocksucking snowplow motherfucker piece of shit!

Love you!

So I had to park my truck (sorry van, van, I’ll get it right one of these days) on the side of the road and go find a fucking shovel to facilitate access to my safe space to numb my brain.

You know what’s better than shovelling your driveway at 10 pm when all you want to do is fucking sleep?

Oh, I know…

Jamming an ice pick into your cock.

Fuck you loser snowplow piece of shit motherfucker douchebags!

Stick to the highways, your side street service is NOT FUCKING REQUIRED!

BURN IN HELL YOU SLAVE WAGE GLOW IN THE DARK ORANGE VEST WEARING TURD MUNCHING REDNECK CUNTS! FUCK YOU!!!

And…

I feel better