I’m not sure when common sense and critical thinking ceased to be defining traits of the human-animal, but each time I venture into public these days, it’s clear to me those once useful skills now exist in the land of the dodo.
But instead of getting myself riled up thinking about stupid motherfuckers cruising alone in their cookie-cutter SUV’s wearing face-nappies, or the endless stream of jagoffs slathering their hands in chemicals each time they feel the need to paw something new, our time today will be much better spent sharing perspective — perspective concerning the ludicrous spin, bullshit, and outright lies our trusted “information providers” inundate us with on a daily basis.
Let’s consider the biggest elephant in the room for example…
Do you feel the need to make a statement about a fake virus and bullshit global warming? If you answered yes, then CoronaWear is for you! No need to wait for winter to sport one of these custom-made beauties, cuz it’s always fucking cold in Canada, despite the weather jerk-offs always promising imminent balmy conditions. You should feel blessed that your government keeps passing hidden bills for carbon tax while you freeze your balls off in May.
CoronaWear is lovingly crafted with your personal safety in mind! Our team of artists go through no less than 3 sanitizing body-washes before donning Level-A Hazmat suits, which feature:
CoronaWear is made from organic lama wool, irradiated for no less than 6 hours in our proprietary sterilization chamber. Our crochet hooks/knitting needles are prepared according to the strictest protocol of bacteriological cleansing, and are systematically incinerated after each 4-hour block of use. CoronaWear is packaged in our government-certified clean room using hermetically-sealed shipping containers that will not be exposed to a single pathogen until it arrives at your front door carried by a disease-ladened UPS flunky.
Order today and receive a free 12-pack of JIHAD facemasks!
Each top-of-the-line N-95 respirator mask is custom-lettered in black acrylic paint, containing no less than 2 ounces of spittle procured from a vagrant willing to hoark in a dixie cup in exchange for liquor money.
Direct message Bonerfruit for prices! All hats begin at $499.95*
*although hats used to be $12.95, and many times given away for free, adhering to government regulations is a costly element we cannot ignore. We sincerely apologize for the drastic markup, but hope you will continue to support our local business during these difficult, troubling, and ass-reaming times.
If you thought you’ve heard angry rants in the past here on BonerFruit, well prepare yourself for something fucking extraordinary, as I’m about to set the fucking record for the fucking number of F-bombs ever recorded in a fucking 1000-word fucking essay.
Because cocksucking society has lost its collective fucking mind. And even though there’s absolutely no worthwhile reason to write this post today (since realizing humanity has the aggregate IQ of a chromosome-deficient chimp huffing gas fumes while being steadily pumped with carbon monoxide via a short hose jammed straight into its hairy ass), I need to document a few things which are solely for my benefit — a dear-fucking-diary piece that I don’t give a flying fuck if anyone reads or resonates with. I don’t even fucking know what the fuck aggregate means, and guess what? I don’t give a flying fuck.